Methods of Relationships Part 3-4

Methods of Relationship, Part III

LuLu and Max move through menstrual rhythm, recurring conflict, truthfulness, and intuition. Their position is sharp: relationship requires cyclical awareness, curiosity instead of contempt, and a refusal to corrupt the signal between body, partner, and life through deception.

Menstrual Rhythm Is Relationship Information

Max: Me. Okay. Round three.

LuLu: Oh, I have something very good to share, but later.

Women, please take note of your menstrual cycle and understand that the shifting of hormones happens through your very magical and potent initiation—that is the female cycle.

Understand that your hormones are shifting in a way that, during certain times of the month, you have energetic protection in the form of testosterone—and during several days of the month, you do not.

So everything feels like an insult during those times.

During those moments, be extremely tender with yourself and ask for tenderness from your counterpart. Let them know when you are in those days where you do not have that chemical protection—that layer of testosterone protecting you.

Max: And men, keep in mind that she’s probably going to love you in ovulation and hate you in her period of time and her luteal.

Part of the gig.

And, like, you can’t just look at her being a bitch and be like, “Well, she’s just a bitch.”

It’s like, well, why? Start asking questions. Try and get curious.

And that’s when it’s hardest—when she’s like, “You, I fucking hate you.”

“It’s okay. Can you tell me why, though?”

Like, be genuinely curious. Not resentfully curious, or whatever.

And if you’re on birth control, just get off that as soon as you fucking can. Otherwise, I don’t think your relationship can become anything but in service to the great holy dollar. I guess that’s kind of how that works.

But the hormones seem to be the chemical systems. If you haven’t read our stuff or heard anything yet about hormones and our chemical system, we’ll have that discussion available.

LuLu: Yeah. A woman is a shifting cosmos that’s waxing and waning throughout the month.

And those shifts in chemicals—those different hormones—are communicating different things to the people around her. They are signaling different things.

So a drop in estrogen can feel like the removal of nurturing. Your partner may perceive you, when you are low estrogen—he may perceive you to have fucked off and to be incredibly selfish and to not be supportive of him, because you’re low estrogen in that moment.

Don’t make excuses, but I hate Max for half of a month every month.

Max: As anyone who dates Max does—man or woman.

Max: Yeah. I mean, it’s highs and lows. It’s ebbs and flows.

And as long as you’re on the repair cycle, like, great.

If you’re absolutely stuck and fucked in the water, go learn psychology. Learn astrology. Learn hormones. Hormones. Go study stuff.

It’s a calling for you to develop your awareness of yourself. And, like, you know, that’s what relationships force with life for.

And if you’re like, “Fuck, I won’t learn any of that,” just keep reading this site. We’re going to give it all to you—in my opinion, better than they can. May not be true, but we’re going to give it to you in incredible detail.

The Recurring Conflict May Be the Mission

LuLu: If two people who genuinely love each other keep getting stuck in a few different themes of life—if they keep hitting the same walls—it is very likely that life is asking you to come up with a solution together, or to find some medicine for that thing.

And that may be part of your mission.

It’s a really great way to figure out what your mission together might be: figure out the point of contention that continues to reappear.

It may be to find—or to become—the medicine for that.

Max: Or at least, why not start there?

Make it a prerequisite to whatever else it is that you’re planning to do or want to do.

You know, it’s simple. Life wants you to complete your mission. And if that is a prerequisite for your mission, life equally wants you to complete that thing.

Your knowledge of each other, et cetera.

Tell the Ugliest Truth

Max: Let’s see. Other things: don’t lie to each other.

Jesus, that’s just kind of a plain one. But I think people do it all the time. Like, “Oh, well, I can just get away with it.”

If you’re doing that, I don’t know how you’re listening to this. Like, the thing that we’re talking—the vibration—it’s so far from that.

But if you got here, well done.

Stop lying.

Let me just tell them. Tell them the ugliest truth. Just let them assume. Tell the worst.

I love them. I just tell the worst truth. I couldn’t—I just have to leave her with that to deal with.

Because you get a lot of trust, actually, when you just tell someone how ugly life is or how ugly a situation was.

They just go, “Okay.” They just gobble it up.

Lulu: You know, if in general you want to understand why life doesn’t respond to you in the way that you like, then look at how often you lie.

Because you’re only lying to yourself. Like, life is you.

If you lie, you’re confusing yourself. You’re confusing life. You’re confusing your body. You’re confusing the signals that you relate to the universe.

You’re confusing your entire communication system to everything.

It’s like putting the wrong address into ten maps and then wondering why you weren’t getting there.

LuLu: Yeah. And then just trying to go—that’s what lying is.

That’s especially lying to yourself. Like, if you lie to other people, then you can be sure that you lied to yourself first.

So maybe start there.

Max: Yeah, it’s exactly like that. That’s a great way to put lying.

That’s what we’re hurting, actually—hoping you arrive where you planned to come in the first place.

Lulu: Because then you can’t listen to or trust anything that happens. None of your guidance—your intuition will die very fucking quickly.

When I first started digging into intuition, I was very curious to know, like, how to know things that you don’t know yet that you wanted to know.

And I started getting into intuition. It became very clear that one of the first ways in which you fuck up your capacity for intuition is by lying.

And the second is bullshit chemicals that you inhale and eat.

So in your relationship, if you are lying to your partner and then eating a bunch of chemicals together, just expect things to be fucking chaotic.

The Sweetness of Collapse

Max: Just go die.

And there’s a sweetness in that chaos, I just want to point out. Like, eating pizza rolls and drinking Mountain Dew and something—like, how does that absolutely fucking lovely make it?

There’s a sweetness to it. I spent a lot of time doing it, like, “Wow, this is so good.”

And then, at certain times, you just have this massive ache of realizing:

“Oh my God, my life’s shit. I don’t want to live this way. This is horrible.”

And it comes maybe, if you’re lucky, every few months. If you’re not as lucky, every few years.

And people call it cyclical depression or whatever they want to call it, and it’s just a calling of a bigger thing.

You live with this ache all the time. Slowly, your eyes dim a little bit. Slowly, you get a little more inflammation in your body. Slowly, your knees give out. Slowly, your hips give out.

And then one day you go, “Whoa, whoa. You know what?”

Well, do the rest you can now.

Where a lot of people are, they go, “Make sure you get worried and put your money away. You’re gonna save until you’re older. Now you don’t want to—you want to be able to travel.”

You know, their life is just shit. It’s done.

It doesn’t look anything or sound anything like what you’re reading on this site.

So that’s this one.

Methods of Relationship, Part IV

Max and LuLu speak about the inherited weight each sex carries into intimacy: women’s anger and fear, men’s overextension and conditioning, and the patience required to meet what is older than the immediate argument. They then ground it in a real rupture in northern Italy, where LuLu sensed separation before she could explain it—and Max could not yet read the language she was speaking.

Restoring the Anger

Max: Continuing on this methods-of-relationship business.

Lydia talks while going into examples, which I think is useful. To me, I said, well, why have you covered the basics—food, water, emotion, you know?

And one thing about emotion is making sure that a woman generally has her anger shut off, and you’re going to have to get her to turn anger back on at some point.

So you’re going to have to go through a phase where she’s just fucking angry, usually—and particularly angry at you.

Learn to love it. See it as passion.

LuLu: I don’t think—

Max: Yeah, yeah, sure. Sure. Look at that. You just got to withstand the fire for a little bit. It’s part of the deal.

LuLu: No room.

Max: And then if she’s a skinny bitch, like, you just got to plump her up a bit. You got to get her to eat, and eventually her metabolism will catch up and she’ll slim out again or whatever.

But you got to go through that phase. Like, you need to empower your woman. You need to.

Because women have been systematically disempowered for two-thousand-something years.

And then women, you just have to accept that men have been given other things. Like, they’ve been allowed free rein to say whatever the fuck they want, so they say dumb shit.

Lulu: And men have, for the last few thousand years, been rewarded for being greedy, and they’ve been rewarded for not listening, and they’ve been rewarded for dominating nature and for colonizing.

So we need to understand that there’s this systemic thing happening where, in the fibers of their code, they are programmed to continue to conduct themselves in this way because that’s what’s celebrated.

And it’s not always a choice. It’s something that’s become, like, physically indoctrinated, if you will.

And there’s a way out, you know—but it takes a lot of patience from both people.

The Other Side of the Deal

Max: And that’s the opposite side, women. Like, you’re gonna have to accept that your man’s probably got to feminize a bit.

He’s got to become softer and work less, probably, and make less money, and not have all of the responsibilities on his shoulders.

Lulu: If you want your man to start to listen to you and listen to your intuitions, you’re going to have to take half of the responsibilities of the successes and the failures—the duties, the really grounded duties:

Max: Cooking, cleaning, making money, planning—just making shit happen.

Because men are overwhelmed right now.

Which is, they wake up, they’re supposed to go to the gym, then they’re supposed to love their woman perfectly, and then they’re supposed to go to work, and they’re supposed to go home from work and, like, either fucking parent children or then be a perfect husband.

And then you—and all of the things, which means buying flowers and, like, I can’t imagine these things.

The Fear Beneath the Reaction

LuLu: And I think men need to understand that woven within the codes of female DNA is, like, the deep fear of the lived reality that has occurred many times in the memories of our DNA:

That men have violated us physically, raped us, killed us.

And so a lot of the suspicion and the doubt and the reactivity comes not just from the moment that’s happening right now—in the conflict and the interaction that we’re having—but in the thousands of occurrences that have happened in our lineage.

Of literally having our throat crushed and our bodies mutilated by somebody who looks and feels like you, and calls themselves friend, and says they love you and care about you.

Max: Right. There’s a lot of heat to pay. And accepting that—that you just got to pay some heat, dudes.

And women have to accept that men are trying to shift from being, you know, like, literally too masculine.

It’s a difficult path.

Northern Italy: A Perfect Storm

LuLu: Just to have an example—trying to give, like, a physical, real-life example, a story and narrative that we can talk about to describe something that I think maybe many couples have moved through.

And just to articulate this: one of the ways in which we diagnose ourselves is through the circumstances that arise, and through our behavior and our limitations in those circumstances.

For example, Max and I were in northern Italy. We had a really, really challenging time.

And the train is coming, so I’m going to pause here.

The train has passed.

And, I mean, I think for both of us it was such a—or maybe for me especially—it was such a difficult time. In some ways, I’m still processing everything that happened.

But ultimately, ultimately, as, like, a short summary, you know, it was like the perfect snow globe and the perfect cocktail of my worst triggers.

And I felt that we arrived at this place and that Max kind of energetically pulled out of our relationship and started partnering and teaming and collaborating with other people, rather than us staying on mission.

And I didn’t quite realize this at the time.

I thought I was expressing myself clearly, and I thought I was communicating my frustration in a way that made sense—or that was obvious.

And so through this circumstance, we very kind of quickly diagnosed our bodies. And in a way, we had diagnosed these limitations in ourselves already.

But the circumstance really showed us the articulation and the extent of that limitation.

Where, in my instinctual, chemical body, I knew that separation was very likely and very possible, and I tried to communicate that.

But I couldn’t—because I didn’t have a rational understanding of what was happening.

I just had, like, a very animalistic and intuitive sense.

And Max had his own part, which maybe he can speak on.

Learning the Language of the Other

Max: No, I mean, I’m not in that necessarily right now. But there are aspects of understanding that men and women have different languages. They communicate differently.

And if you don’t know each other well enough yet, that language is going to be very confusing.

And if you’re young, you might not even know your own language yet—which makes it very confusing.

Or if this is a new thing to you—these tools or experiences—then you’re not going to know how to communicate them or hear them, vice versa.