Activating Feminine Root

The Horror We Have Stopped Feeling

A conversation about the feminine root as the capacity to feel what society has normalized: rape, colonization, humiliation, extraction, and the suffering of Earth—and about bodywork not as an escape from pain, but as a way of bringing the screams back online until life must change.

Chapter I — The Horror of Not Feeling Horror

Max: Testing, testing, testing. You were saying—you were saying that the main horror you feel is that people can’t feel the horror.

LuLu: That’s when it comes up the most.

When you’re sitting in a room of men and they’re talking about rape in a casual and joking way, I become filled with horror that they cannot feel the horror and pain of it.

And I feel horror when I’m in a room of people and all they can discuss is how to make more money, and how to rape the Earth more, and how to create more systems that extract the life force out of brown children in factories.

They can’t feel how disturbing it is. And that fills me with, like, “Oh, what the fuck is going on?”

Why is it that I’m in a room and I can smell something that’s super toxic, and nobody else can smell it? That fills me with horror.

It’s probably the same horror that Indigenous people had when people just started mowing down massive trees. It’s like: how can you not feel the pain of this?

Max: I think part of it—the initial point—is: why did they let that happen in the first place?

I don’t know. I’ll share my experience, but I’m feeling more questions right now than I am answers.

Why are people walking around with this? How is it so prevalent, and action is not coming from it?

Chapter II — When the Body Enters Shock

Max: In terms of what you’re discussing, I feel sick.

I’ll just share my perspective for the people reading this or listening: I’m devastated right now. I’m really weak in my body. And shook isn’t the word—shocked, Lydia said.

Whenever we get into real heavy stuff, this is how it is for me. Once or twice a year, I’ll get into someone’s emotional work, as we’re doing all this stuff, and it’s difficult for me to process. It takes some time.

And right now I’m in that.

It’s not even frozen. It is frozen—it’s just dense. It’s like my blood has slowed down, and I’m living in such fear that action becomes very hard to commit to.

Even now, I ate eight eggs and a bunch of stuff in order to charge myself. I did electrolytes and fucking tons of water, and fresh fruit, and carbs, and [unclear]—just trying to charge my body so I can be effective, to utilize this thing that’s being experienced.

Because it’s so intense in my body. It’s overwhelmingly intense and potent.

I don’t actually feel overwhelmed. I don’t feel overwhelmed. I feel like the only thing that’s important is for me to do bodywork—to continue to activate and free these stuck emotions and become a more alive version of myself.

That’s the only thing that’s really clear to me.

It’s more important than making money, or even necessarily helping people, or whatever exercise or food is. I just have to clean my body. I have to restore my body’s proper condition.

Chapter III — Emotions as Rememberings

Max: Lydia talks about how these things are activations—these emotions are activations to live a specific life—which I agree with.

Lulu: I think they’re like rememberings.

This is the thing that happens when we open up parts of the body: we remember things. Maybe we remember emotions that have been there the whole time. And maybe, through bodywork, we have memories that go along with those emotions.

But probably it would be more accurate to say those emotions are represented by thousands of memories—some of them in our own lives, in micro-occurrences, and some of them from many, many other lives through our lineage.

But it’s that same horror of, “What the fuck is going on in the world?”

How can brutality, and violence, and humiliation, and colonization, and the raping of Earth’s resources, and torture, and sadism—how can people not feel the horror of this?

And then you literally have the emotion running through your body.

I don’t think the emotion is disabling.

Max: And I’m agreeing with you. That’s why I’m telling you this. I’m not disabled by this. It’s an activation. I feel that.

And I think you’re feeling that activation. Maybe it’s because we’re sharing this in my body right now more—it’s extra activating for you, or whatever. It’s multiplied.

I have no idea. I don’t have that much access right now because I’m heavily in this. All of my organs are in this.

It feels like the entire network fabric has had a big release in my feminine root as I said that. It feels like my geometry is bouncing in synchronicity quite well right now in my body.

This is a loud, coherent signal.

Chapter IV — Humiliation as a Coherent Signal

Max: Maybe that’s the power of humiliation: it is a very loud, coherent signal in the body. It awakens quickly. It opens someone to possibility very fast.

Maybe that’s why you and I used that in our early times of life—our early stories included it. Or maybe that’s just what Kali Yuga is: an era of humiliation that’s thick in the energetic vibration of society and of people.

We’re just bathing in it. Everyone has this. There’s no special story—[unclear]—maybe we’re just bathing in it.

LuLu: I think we are bathing in it. But many of us have shut off certain parts of our bodies, so we’re not able to experience the screams.

Literally: the screams of women being raped, the screams of animals and plants suffering, the screams of the Earth being raped.

And if you can’t hear it and you can’t feel it, you’re not going to do anything to remedy it.

To me, this is the value of bodywork: bringing rememberings and emotions back online in the body, so that people are so fucking horrified by the system we are living in—and the systemic rape of sovereignty and autonomy that is made manifest through thousands of different ways.

Through sexual rape, the rape of Earth, by financial systems, the digital realm—it goes on forever.

Chapter V — The Weight of the Feminine Root

Max: Yeah. That’s one aspect too. Maybe that’s the feminine-root thing. Bodywork unlocks many different possibilities.

This, for me, is my medicine. And I don’t think I’ve really expressed it in this discussion.

We did bodywork with someone and unlocked really intense emotions from a time when they were raped as a child—really harmfully raped, and continuously for some time.

And the pain of that, in my experience—I felt the story. My intuition caught onto it. It was in my bones and in my blood. My heart was racing without them saying anything. It just came through me. I was feeling and processing for them.

And this emotion I’m sharing with you now is beyond words. I think women know it quite well. Sexual-assault victims know it quite well. Anyone who has their feminine root potentially on knows it quite well.

I had this idea that opening the body would be this profoundly positive experience.

This is not positive to me. It’s heavy.

Maybe that’s what root is supposed to be: heavy, and full of life, and full of charge. That’s what this feels like.

It feels very motivating. It would be hard to sleep with this feeling. It would be hard to walk through the world with this feeling without doing something.

Maybe that’s what root does. That’s why they say that’s where the Shakti is and the charge is—because you’re plugged into the consciousness of Earth and of what’s going on.

It makes you very relevant.

LuLu: Right. It’s where the pain is so extreme in your system that you can’t help but change the entire way that you live, because it’s a pain that’s so real in your body.

Chapter VI — How Do You Offer This Work?

LuLu: I’m just having this moment right here because part of the download that I got over the last few months was that I was told I’m supposed to help open the feminine channel of people.

And when they have their feminine channel opened, they’ll have this very visceral experience of being awakened to the imbalance that we live in—which is this masculine-dominant, logic-dominant, rape-dominant, if you will, mentality—and all of the consequences of this mentality and this experience in life.

And then I realize now, as you’re moving through this: how do you sell that to people?

How the fuck do you sell people, “Come and get bodywork. You’ll be filled with the horrific memories and emotions of people who have been enslaved and colonized and raped, and nature being destroyed”?

How do you sell that?

Max: It’s doable. It’s crazy. There’s two trains in ten minutes. I don’t know. That’s all up to you. We’re in one recording right now.

Chapter VII — The People Who Want Out

Max: But maybe that’s part of my role in this—or this is the masculine role.

I went to the ocean to vomit this morning. And kind of on my way there and back, I also was like, “Oh my goodness. How am I going to sell this? How is this going to be a thing?”

Not in those words. And what came to me was very shockingly clear. I think it always has been clear to me, but maybe it’s more clear to you now.

People are struggling really hard. And there’s a set of people who want out. They’re willing to do the work. They have money and are working jobs, and they don’t want to spend the money on a vacation home, and a trip to Puerto Rico, and [unclear].

They want someone to process their emotions with them and help them feel more alive.

I don’t know if anything is going to help people feel more alive than doing something that addresses this scream in our collective right now.

I mean, I think this is the point. I agree with you. This is why, on my way back, I was like: can you get this in normies? No. But there are a vast set of people who are struggling in their experience, and they are willing.

Because, similar to how we feel, they feel this. And that’s who it’s going to connect with—the people who do feel this in whatever way.

I was that person before today. I was that person. Moose is that person. My clients in the early stages were that.

That’s the beacon I put out: “Hey, for the people who are really fucked up and really want a solution—come find me.”

And they did. I was fully booked, very busy.

I think I had an idea of making this fun thing. Maybe that’s what I was going to do before you met me: be fun and sweet, like, “All this is cool.”

And now it’s like it has to have this element of darkness and pain mixed into it—which is this feminine experience. It needs this feminine. It’s the dark feminine, maybe, to put wording on it, versus the light, bubbly, cute feminine—which is great and will also be there.

But this dark-feminine experience has tremendous value.

Maybe Ghost is the grander outlet. And way more valuable than that is you and I—you and I being willing to do this ourselves, and these people coming to fund us so you and I can work on ourselves.

I think that is the greatest truth and the greatest value, above and beyond the rest.

Chapter VIII — The Irrelevance of Wellness Without Earth

LuLu: What is the dark feminine at its core principle?

It’s Earth principle. Nature principle. Anything that you do that is untethered to that principle becomes toxic and irrelevant—something that causes decay.

This is my frustration within the wellness world—the modern spiritual-wellness world.

You help people feel more alive by giving them better food and movement, and maybe bodywork, and talk therapy. And then they feel much better, and they go out and do the same thing that everybody else does.

They go and make some fucking bullshit hipster coffee shop with underpaid staff, selling a fucking soda water for 20 times what it costs them—not paying their staff 20 times what they’re making—and clothing in a sick-ass clothing factory.

That’s the irrelevance I’m talking about.

I’m really angry about it right now. I’m super fucking angry about what’s happening—of, “Let’s liberate people and make them feel alive and bring the pain out of their body.”

No. I don’t want to fucking bring the pain out of their body.

I want them to intensely feel the pain and the screams of the issue, so that they don’t go out into the world and be like, “Yeah, I’m liberated. Now I can make a clothing brand.”

Like, fuck you.

Max: I mean, I don’t have anything to comment on that. I don’t know right or wrong, or what, with all of that.

Part 2

A charged continuation about the tension between healing ourselves and impacting the world; why an external platform becomes diseased when it is not rooted in lived practice; and how the feminine root transforms collective pain from unconscious suffering into direction, vitality, and action.

Chapter I — Ourselves First, or the World First?

Max: Testing, testing. So the story continues here.

We’re having a serious, unfortunate debate over whether or not—I don’t think—I think we’re even talking about different things. And this is the misfortune of all these conversations for most people: the confusion behind, “What do I even do? How do I even start? How can I impact something so great?”

My answer to that is: we do bodywork and we fix ourselves. Number one, above and beyond anything. If it doesn’t fix ourselves, it doesn’t matter.

Interestingly, Lydia says that same thing when I get lost in the Ghost thing. I’m like, “No, we’ve got to—Ghost first.” She says, “No, us first.” And now I’m like, “Fuck, it’s us first,” and she’s like, “But we’ve got to impact the world.”

Maybe these are the flip-flops of both. The answer is both. You’ve got to do both.

We were having such passionate heckling back and forth that it was like: let’s fucking record this thing, because this is what people need to hear, if anything. The other stuff is cool, but this is it. This is an activation.

Chapter II — Living the Thing Before Broadcasting It

LuLu: What I said was that if we are not living the thing we’re talking about, then whatever flowering of an external thing—like a digital platform—is, it will be a disease.

So, to me, living the thing is the fundamental. That includes bodywork, fine. Also, it’s bodywork, it’s nature, it’s food, it’s no fucking bullshit chemicals that completely toxify your body technology and make you a dumb idiot of a human fucking being who can’t sense anything in the fucking world.

It’s all of it.

If we are not doing it, then the Ghost thing becomes a toxin in the world—because we’re not doing the thing.

Max: I agree. I wouldn’t even be able to do the bodywork if I hadn’t detoxed the chemicals out of my body, or if I had a bunch yesterday.

I wouldn’t be able to get into this if I didn’t eat clean and move my body. I wouldn’t even know to get into it if my diet this morning wasn’t seven ingredients or something.

That’s the thing: doing those things gives rise and access to the bodywork. You do the body enough to explode open the body. You use that to then do the next layer of things.

For me, this actually came from opening Lydia’s body. It shocked me open. My feminine root came on—which is how bodywork should be: to always heal the person giving it more than the person receiving it.

And by healing, maybe the word we’re shifting to is activate. I think that’s actually what healing used to be before it got taken in modern times.

To heal meant to bring something into greater harmony.

I feel this thing today—this greater need for harmony.

Chapter III — Bodywork as an Electrical Activation

Max: For people who are lost and asking, “What do you do?”—bodywork is going to help.

Particularly, we’re going to be trying to train couples so couples can work on each other and start to unlock their bodies.

Because if I didn’t have access to Lydia’s body—or to a person who’s felt this—and I didn’t push on that nerve and that nerve, and the emotions didn’t come into my nervous system and emit an electrical signal and, like, CPR-shock me on, I wouldn’t have felt it the same. I wouldn’t know.

So the answer is D: all of the above.

As usual, Lydia and I are on both sides of the fucking fence of the thing. We’re a bit polarized right now, which makes us charged. And the idea is not to fight each other. The idea is to create something out of the charge between us.

Ghost has been that thing. Doing bodywork on people—my feeling this season is that it’s easy to advertise this thing. It’s for a small number of people for whom it’s really going to be impactful.

We’ll be able to make money from a larger number of people who are probably going to waste it, just because we need food to eat for our own path.

And we make Ghost. Maybe Ghost gets big enough, as you say, and that’s a business card when we go internationally—other than our bodies. Because people don’t necessarily know what it means when they see our bodies.

Chapter IV — Ghost as an Archive of a Lived Reality

LuLu: The only thing Ghost is for is that it becomes an archive of data about how we are living. That’s really all it is.

It becomes easy access for people who aren’t able to access our bodies—to go somewhere and hear and listen to some other way of living that hopefully rectifies, to some degree, the incredible imbalance that exists between mind and body principle in the world, masculine and feminine principle in the world.

And if you want to start doing this in a simple way—beyond just, “Okay, do bodywork and sit out in nature once in a while, and recognize that everything alive around you is part of the entity of your own body”—start by listening.

That is one of the manifestations of the feminine principle: listening.

Start listening to women, and their stories, and their pain. Start listening to Indigenous peoples, and their stories, and their pain. Try to live in the solution.

Stop silencing people you feel are counterproductive to your financial agenda in life. That’s one way to start.

And watch your body become hyper-more intelligent. Because uploading and downloading information and data into your being is intelligence.

Just instructing the world around you—that’s not intelligence.

Chapter V — When Your Body Becomes Larger Than You

Max: Yeah. Your body has to come first. Your body must come first—priority numero uno. All the scriptures say this is numero uno: your body.

However, the idea is, as that progresses and you work on your body, what is your body becomes your friend, family, community, trees, birds, the ocean. All of these things start to become your body.

And then it becomes this really interesting thing: your desire to tend to yourself becomes really big. It becomes big and it becomes inclusive.

That’s the idea.

And if you’re using Clorox fucking detergent, you’re not going to feel that, because it bombs out and kills a bunch of the mycelial network—the fungal network in your gut—which is a lot of what you are.

You’re biologically, like, 98 percent not human by cell count. If you eat Clorox wipes, you’re going to lose 10 percent of that. That’s a big number. If you fucking smoke crack, you probably only lose 15 percent.

It’s probably not much worse to use Clorox detergent than it is to smoke crack—especially the extra-fragrant shit with Unstopables or whatever.

I’m going to get sued for saying this in the future. But—whatever detergent.

It’s not just glyphosate. Glyphosate’s a problem. It’s not just glyphosate.

And if you want to listen: the feminine part is listen. How to listen is the masculine part. You need to prepare—fasting, a clean diet, blah, blah, your bodywork.

This is the flip side of the coin. There are two sides. There always will be. That’s the way it works.

Union is not hyper-masculinity, as we’ve been sold—“When you reach union, you’ll find out it’s all masculine.”

I think when you reach union, you’re going to find out the masculine and the feminine are equally important. If you leave one out on any level, you have misstepped. You are no longer in union.

They have to be in equal proportion.

And I think Lydia is speaking on behalf of the feminine because it’s been left out a lot. Why, I’m not sure. We have a lot of ideas. You’ll hear about them.

Chapter VI — What If He Could Hear the Pain?

Max: In the moment, Lydia asked a really big question.

We have a mutual friend who owns a company that builds villas in Sri Lanka, owns them, and rents them out. He was a dear friend of mine for some time.

The question she asked was: “What do you think would happen if this guy could hear this pain of the feminine?”

To me, it’s just: what if he had his feminine root on?

LuLu: I just want to articulate that when we’re saying the feminine, we’re not talking about female beings—at least, not only.

Everybody has a feminine principle to their system, which is their body. In the cosmos, in the dimension we live in, Earth is the feminine principle. Darkness is the feminine principle, as opposed to the masculine principle of light.

This is what we’re talking about: the feminine principle. Not a human with a vagina or a human who identifies as a woman. That’s not what we’re talking about.

When we’re saying the feminine principle has been left out, we’re saying the principle of the unknown, of darkness, of the void, of everything everywhere all at once, and the body, intuition, feelings, and emotions—rather than logic and sight.

That’s what we mean by the feminine principle.

Chapter VII — Civilization Is the Recorded Masculine

Max: What is largely considered humanity is masculinity—civilization.

LuLu: Yeah, humanity and civilization.

Max: Right. What has been considered humanity—for someone who may be confused—that is masculine.

It’s education, RDAs, financial degrees, 401(k)s, sports science, human performance, athletics, and recordkeeping. That is primarily what we call humanity. It’s the masculine thing.

The feminine is, ironically, blank—which has been a mystery to me as well. Where is it? Where’s the feminine record?

LuLu: That’s not how it works. It doesn’t keep records. That’s the masculine.

It just creates. It just lives. It just is in the background all the time, flowing.

It is the tree. The tree continues to recycle the air, and feeds through its roots, and produces, goes through cycles, produces fruit, and goes through cycles.

It’s like womb technology.

This is what Earth does: it generates life without counting life.

Maybe it’s like womb technology generates life without rationally knowing how it’s doing it. Ask any fucking pregnant woman. She can create a fucking baby while lying on her side eating pizza, not even fully knowing that she’s pregnant.

It’s the irrational. It’s illogical. It’s intelligence that is happening without mind, you could say, and awareness.

It’s the deep abyss of unconscious knowing. It’s body intelligence. It’s instinct.

Intuition is probably where body intelligence and mind intelligence become unified. We call it this knowing—the awareness of something that is deeply in us, something we sense but can’t always quite explain.

Chapter VIII — The Dark Feminine Is Not Pretty

Max: And just to add a little bit for men listening—they can relate—when this awakens in you, it’s not pretty.

It’s not this cutesy, pretty feminine we’ve all been told is the feminine. That’s the light feminine.

I’m referencing this dark-feminine aspect in particular right now. And it’s loud, and it’s angry, and it’s screaming.

It is a very loud scream that nature is suffering, that we’re out of sync, that we’ve lost cycle. It’s very, very loud.

So, as you come into this, don’t expect—it’s going to feel like horror. It’s going to feel like horror and disgust, and, “Oh my God, I can’t possibly hold this.”

Your friends and your therapists are going to say, “Think positive thoughts. Don’t go there. Life is supposed to be joyful.”

That’s dissociation. That’s aversion.

Look at this thing. Look at this thing. Look it in the face and realize that the pain that’s going on in Earth is your pain.

I used to ridicule women for this a lot, who said, “I feel the collective pain.” I was like, “Shut up. Just shut up. No, you don’t. You don’t have a fucking job, you don’t eat stable, regular meals, and you’re doing drugs all the time. That’s where your anxiety is.”

Well, come to find out, I’m feeling this very viscerally in my body as I’m opening my feminine root.

The feminine root is not good right now. It is not good. Like, it’s not good.

Even though I live so close to Lydia, who has this on, and she tells me, and I trust her, it’s been very hard for me to feel it in the same way. Even though I felt it, I didn’t know it. It wasn’t in my awareness, if that makes sense.

You might be right next to this thing and hear it, and you still may not feel it. And that’s okay. But just keep in mind: it’s there, and it’s part of you.

Chapter IX — Turning Suffering Into Direction

Max: For me, if I do not embody this and make this a part of myself, I will be incomplete. I will live an incomplete life.

And any joy I live in will have a tinge of suffering in it—a tinge of pain. I will suffer that due to ignorance, not knowing where it comes from.

The moment you identify what it is, then you can act on it. You see it, and then it becomes not suffering.

It becomes vitality. It becomes passion. It becomes possibility.

That’s what root should be. The root chakra, I believe, should unlock power and potential.

The masculine root may be about getting shit done. The feminine root is about knowing what needs to get fucking done—where it needs to get done right now.

Maybe it’s screams through all of Kali Yuga, this era of humanity. It’s all screams, unfortunately.

But maybe there are times when it’s springtime and it’s not. It’s just dancing, and singing, and planting flowers. But that may not be the case. That may not be the case.

Not many people are going to want to take Excalibur out of the lake—this Excalibur out of the lake, more than likely.

But my teacher—my top teacher—says that if we don’t take Excalibur out of the lake right now, in 50 years it’s going to be so hard to do it.

The devastation to the feminine will be so significant in 50 years if we do not act now.

And for anyone listening, devastation of the feminine means devastation of humanity entirely:

The mass die-off of our children; starvation; hormone disruption; sickness; cancer; diabetes; the death of forests; the smogging of the air; incredible anxiety, depression, and confusion.

LuLu: Which is what’s happening today.

Max: Yeah. That’s the point. It’s only going to become more and more at our current rate.

That’s why people are in forests screaming about this. They hear it. They’re loud. Some people hear this thing.